I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
