I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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