I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
