Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
