he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
