my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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