I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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