Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
