oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
