I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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