i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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