I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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