Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
