Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
