I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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