Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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