Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
