we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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