i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
