Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
