Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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