Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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