what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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