If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
