He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
