If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have aggressive nipples.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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