If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This is my gift to your gina
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
