Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
