I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
