i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
