woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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