I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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