i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
