Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
