Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
