Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
