Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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