At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
