i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
