I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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