Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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