You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize