finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
