Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
