I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
