Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
