He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
