I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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