You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How does one acquire holy water?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize