You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
