What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
