Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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