You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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