My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
