the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
