This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my being single is dangerous.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
