i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found puke in my bra..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
