my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
