If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
