he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
if only i could text you this smell
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
