i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
