Define "chronic" masturbator.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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