Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
