I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
