I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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