He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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