i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
