What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
