No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
